no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
