what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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