I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
