We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
