take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
All the doctor said was why
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
