Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
