He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
