guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
