If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
