just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
