don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
