We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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