i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
