My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
