very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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