just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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