dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
grandma shit on top of the toilet
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
