Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
We named our party play list daddy issues
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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