I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
