Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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