Say something about gay babies.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
