This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
