Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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