Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
