As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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