alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
