college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
