apparently the secret to your success is patron
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
