when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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