I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
