We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
