walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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