If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
