I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
