For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
