There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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