I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
being pregnant is like rehab
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I need a beard to bite.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
