DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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