Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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