Quick, to the slutcave!
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Let's paint friendship bongs
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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