So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
