she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
