Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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