Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
