he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Randomize
