Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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