Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Who died my cat blue again?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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