just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
