I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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