party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
