She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
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She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
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Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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