so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
