We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
