he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
