shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
