Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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