my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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