Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
