i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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