I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
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he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
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Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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