I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
