Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
